The Art of Making Friends

You’ve been at the school for a long time. You know the whole layout of the school, the best spots to eat lunch, and which of the teachers are really strict. And yet, you still feel like you’re observing all of this from the outside. You see the same group of people laughing together and you wonder: Why hasn’t this happened for me yet?

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Being in a place for a long time doesn’t automatically mean that you’ve found your people. The good news is, it’s not too late to start making friends now. No matter how introverted, shy or I-like-being-alone you are, research suggests that forming strong, healthy friendships improves the overall quality of your life by boosting both your mental and physical health. So, if you are ready to take a small step towards friendship, this article is for you!

When you’ve been in school for a while, it could feel awkward to just go up and talk to someone who’s been in your class for months but you never actually spoke to. The trick is to start small and build it up from there. The conversation topic you start with might change depending on the context, but start with whatever’s around you. If you’re in class, you might want to ask “Did you do the homework?” or “Do you wanna work on this assignment together?”. Or, if it’s a school lunchtime activity, you could ask them something related to it. If you can’t think of any question to ask, start with a genuine compliment. For example: “I like your _____. Where did you get it?”

People enjoy being noticed and feeling seen. So a simple and honest comment can open the door for a nice connection.

When you feel like you’ve had a nice conversation with that person, end the conversation by saying along the lines “it was great meeting/talking to you” or if you want to stay in touch with them, ask them if they would mind giving you their number or social media IDs. 

Some of the topics you should probably avoid when talking to someone for the first time are any topics that are too personal. Don’t share your personal struggles immediately. It can overwhelm the other person and put pressure on a connection that hasn’t even formed yet. Save those deep conversations for when trust has grown. Also, don’t talk only about yourself. You want to make the other person feel like they are interesting too so there needs to be a balanced back-and-forth conversation.

Another thing to keep in mind: Actively listen to the other person. This means making eye contact when they’re talking, nodding and asking follow-up questions. Don’t just think about what you want to say next when they’re talking. Just listen to them. If you can’t listen to what the other person is saying without feeling bored or tiring, then there’s a high chance that you don’t like talking to that person and you probably wouldn’t want to be friends with them either.

Usually, people who have similar interests, opinions, and hobbies get along well with each other. So, don’t be disheartened if you feel like you haven’t connected with someone. With a lot of trial and error, you’d be able to meet your people. The important thing is to resist the temptation to change yourself in order to fit in.

At the end of the day, it’s not about having 1000 followers on Instagram or being friends with your whole school. It’s about finding a friend, or even a group of friends who would have your back no matter what.